I didn't open my eyes again until the walkman stopped after
the last notes of the last song drowned out. I knew for a
fact that I must've been out for over an hour now, and I was
hoping that someone had wandered into the pool room to
watch the kids as I swayed my head back and forth slowly to
the beat of every song that touched my ears through the
black headphones. I knew I had been put into the position
to watch my younger siblings, and I figured the Saunder kids
to be put into the category for the day, but when I listened
to music I just blocked the outside world around me out.
And I do mean blocked them out, completely. I didn't even
know if the kids would still be in the same town when I forced
my eyes open.
To my relief, they were still there, splashing, diving, and
swimming like I had never even been there in the first place.
Mac was on the diving board, no doubt about to show off
the sloppy, yet effective, cannonball he had perfected while
we were in California the previous month. Of course, Avery
saw it coming and quickly swam over to the other side of
the pool. Avery had always been a magnificent swimmer,
since she was just a toddler. I was always the one that
dove head-first into the water with her when I was younger.
Now she was doing the same thing with Zo. It made me
smile every time.
Suddenly, I heard a baby coo from the chair that had been
previously unoccupied next to me. I figured it must've
been taken up by Rachel and baby Nathaniel. I turned my
head, ready to flash a greeting smile toward Rachel, and
then strike up a conversation with her. But, my smile
quickly faded. That definitely wasn't Rachel. And, really,
this person did not deserve a smile from me. Friendly or
otherwise. But, it wasn't like I could hold it in. Not from
her. And so I smiled. Nothing special, it was the same
one I pulled night after night, no hidden emotion. Just a
smile.
She smiled back at me, flipping her hair over her shoulder
with one hand as she held the baby to her with the other.
Honestly, this woman would not make a very good mother.
Unlike Rachel, who just took to the task so gracefully.
Rachel was such a kind person, and she never saw her son
as a burden. She was a good mother. Not Bethany. She
was too concerned over her looks, even if they were perfect
when she rolled out of bed in the morning. I didn't under-
stand why I was so drawn to the woman. I actually wanted
a family of my own one day, and I don't think I'd trust her
with a newborn baby. Or a toddler for that matter. It was
an odd mix of feelings I had toward Bethany now. If she
had just let me watch her from a distance like I always had,
I wouldn't be in this position.
I eyed Nathaniel, who was staring over at me with his huge
brown eyes and sticking his fingers in his mouth. Poor
thing. Without hesitation, I reached my arms out toward
him and plucked him carefully from Bethany's folded arm.
"Here, I'll take him" I stated as I gently cradled him
against my chest. It seemed as if I was more comfortable
holding babies than Bethany would ever be, and I always
thought it just came naturally to the female species.
Well, it wasn't unlike Bethany to prove me wrong anyway.
I stood up, I really needed to get out of that room, and
quickly made my exit. I didn't want to go into the den,
there was no doubt in my mind that quite a few people
would be in there. And the kitchen wasn't an option
either. I just wanted to walk around the house with
Nathaniel for a while, he was such an innocent baby, and
he loved everyone around him. And everyone around
him loved him right back, it was hard not to love a baby.
I decided that upstairs would be quiet, and quickly
climbed up the grand staircase to the second floor of
the huge house. It was kind of odd that a person
could hardly get some privacy in such a big house, but,
with all the people in it at all hours, I guess it wasn't
unheard of.
After peeking into a few rooms, none of which seemed
to suit me, I managed to settle down in the office. It
was quiet in there, and the leather swivel chair was
very comfortable to sit. "So Nathie" I said softly, calling
the baby by his affectionate nickname he'd been given
the first time I'd see him. He gurgled, and settled his
head in the crook of my arm. I should've known better
than to try and strike up a conversation with a baby,
especially Nathaniel, who could sleep the day away with-
out question. And, that was just what he planned on
doing. Before I could get another word out, he was
asleep, his head nestled in the space where my arm
was bent, and his little nose brushing the material of
my shirt.
I shifted my gaze, looking around the entire room as
I spun slowly in the chair. This house was filled with
memories of my past, almost more memories than
my own house held for me. It was almost eerie. But
that's what happens when two families with so many
kids move next to each other. It was just a way of
life. Sometimes, I thought that I'd rather live in the
Saunders' house over my own, but, of course, my
parents always said that they'd rather me stay home
at least one night a week. It was weird how I always
enjoyed sleeping on the floor downstairs. And, what was
even weirder was the person who would spend all those
long nights downstairs on the floor with me, chatting,
laughing, giggling.
I stopped the chair from spinning as soon as my eyes
were on the open door. There, hand against the doorframe,
eyes glued to mine, was just the person I had been
thinking about. And, truly, it scared me to think I had been
focusing on my memories of all the times I'd spent with
her. Her of all people. She was giving me a questioning
look, probably wondering why I had broken away from the
crowd and wandered into the office, with her baby nephew
no less. I must've been quite the sight to see, holding
a baby to my chest gingerly, spinning around in a chair
with a far off expression on my face. Then again, she
was always the sight to see, good or bad. But what
freaked me out about this scene was that neither or us
started to talk, or yell like we normally did. We just
stared, with her still standing in the exact same position
I had caught her in, and me still sitting with one foot
planted firmly on the ground. Quite the sight.
